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Introduction to Military Moving:

Over 40 million people move each year, and about 18 percent of those are military moves. Considering an average American moves approximately 12 times in their life, it’s no wonder that moving is considered the 3rd most stressful event in your life.

Now, try to imagine how many times a military member moves during their career. Using an average of one move every two to three years, (sometimes even more depending on the Military Occupational Specialty, or MOS), this can amount to a lot of moves to look forward to if you are in the military!

Photo credit: BlueHorizonShipping.com

When I met my husband in the early 1990′s, I had only one major move throughout my entire childhood. That all changed the first time he got orders. After hurrying down to the Justice of the Peace to get married before our three weeks to report to his next duty station were up, we then embarked on a two-decade adventure that netted 17 moves in 11 different states spanning every time zone in the nation. In one epic move, we had 5 days to report to Fort Campbell, Kentucky. In another memorable move, we lived in a tiny hotel room for weeks while we looked for a rental home in a market that offered very slim pickings. In one other move, imagine my surprise when I unpacked our trash can …with trash still in it. I believe I still have some boxes in storage to unpack, left over from two PCS moves ago.

Does this sound familiar? Or, did I just scare the dickens out of you first-time PCS’ers?

Whether you are new to the military and about to start your first PCS move, or a seasoned dependent whose packing skills are down to a science, one thing can be certain: military moves can be stressful.

In this 4-part series, I am going to share some tips that, if someone had shared with me instead of having to learn the hard way, may make your next move a breeze instead of a tornado.

The PCS Timeline: Things to do before your move

Three Months Before:

• Get moving dates and travel allowance estimates: Determine if you wish to do a DITY (Do It Yourself) move, or have the government move you through a professional moving company. (A DITY move often provides the opportunity to ‘earn’ a few extra dollars at the end of the move, but not always.)
• Research housing and child care options in your new city: Every military base has a “blacklist” of rental properties (and/or questionable or unsavory areas) you should avoid. Contact your base housing office for advice and resources, and always stick with a reputable realtor to help you find the best possible housing options. Ask around for referrals to reputable daycare centers. Many times you will find on-base daycare, but you have to reserve a slot in advance. (Hint:  always ask about military discounts or incentives.)
• Begin planning your budget: Nothing is worse than finding out mid-move that you don’t have enough funds to cover the costs. Keep in mind that many of the expenses are reimbursable, but if there is a delay in processing you will need to have your living expenses covered in advance. Call your new utility companies to get the exact amounts you will need to pay your deposits. Don’t rely on using your old deposits to pay your new deposits. Many times your deposit refunds will not come before new deposits are due, if at all. You will need a cushion for emergency expenses. (Hint: there will be emergency expenses.)
• Spouses should start their job search: For the first nine years of our military journey, I was fortunate enough to work for a nationwide company that transferred my job to each new location. From there I entered into a contract with the government as a GS-13 level employee. I was lucky, as most spouses have to start from scratch with each move. Military spouses should familiarize themselves with all the tools available to assist them in their job search, taking advantage of any potential edge. Military Spouse Preference (MSP) is a program developed by the Department of Defense (DoD) to help ease the interruption of a spouse’s career when the family must move due to permanent change of station orders. MSP gives the military spouse applicant an additional 5 or 10 points on his or her civil service examination score for certain competitive positions. Because this is a DoD program, however, military spouse preference only applies to appropriated fund positions within the Department of Defense and its branches for positions at grades GS-15 and below.

Two Months Before:

• Find a bank in your new town: While many banks can be accessed from out of state via their ATM network, having a local branch for your banking needs makes life easier in the end. Ask about offers and incentives for military banking or obtain other free checking options.
• Look for on- or off-base housing: Chances are, there will be a waiting list to obtain on-base housing. You will likely receive a Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH) to cover your off-base housing costs. (Your BAH will be offset if you live on base, no matter what.) The BAH rate is determined by each zip code, so your rates will vary from duty station to duty station. Always keep your housing costs within this budget to avoid a budgeting disaster. You can access the BAH calculator here. (Hint: keep in mind that most rental contracts should have a clause allowing you to break your lease early without penalty in the case of receiving orders for a military move. This is the law just about everywhere, but do not sign a lease if it does not have this clause included. This saves you headaches later if the landlord wants to play the “I’ll-keep-your-deposit-despite-what-the-law-says” game.)
• Notify creditors of your new address change:  Once you’ve secured proper housing, notify your creditors as quickly as possible of your new address. There will likely be a delay in the forwarding of your mail, so the sooner you do it the better.  (Hint: switch to online bill pay to avoid late fees due to any mail delivery delays. Telling your creditors you paid late because you didn’t get the bill before the due date is not a valid excuse. They will charge late fees and be within their legal right to do so. Don’t blow your budget by paying unnecessary late fees!)
• Obtain copies of medical and dental records: Medical and/or dental records tend to get lost in the transition. Always hand-carry your records to your new duty station by obtaining copies in advance. This is especially important if you are registered on the Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP). (Service members on active duty enroll in the EFMP program when they have a Family member with a physical, emotional, developmental, or intellectual disorder requiring specialized services. Every branch of the military offers this program. You can learn more about the EFMP program here.)
• Transfer school records: Each state or locality will have different requirements for school enrollment. Call in advance to find out what is required and request a transfer of records with existing schools well in advance. This will help avoid any delays in enrollment and provides you the opportunity to secure appointments for required vaccines or physicals.
• Start packing the non-essentials: While government-contracted movers are required to personally pack your household goods (HHG), you can start purging items you won’t need, or identify items you will need. Start with your closets and garage. This is a great time to plan a yard sale!

One Month Before:

• Finalize housing in your new area: If you don’t have a place to move to by this time, it’s time to kick it up a notch and find something!
• File a change of address through the Post Office: You can pick up a change of address form at your local post office, or you can file your change of address online: USPS Online Form.
• Contact utility companies and adjust services: Contact your existing utility companies to let them know your last date of service along with your new address information to forward your deposit payments and/or final bills. Also be sure to contact the utility companies in your new area to set up new service and pay your proper deposits in advance.
• Notify your employer and get references: It is highly recommended that you give at least a two weeks notice to your employer, preferably more. Also, get references before you move, as they are exponentially harder to obtain after you have moved. Employers and co-workers tend to provide them more willingly while you are still physically present on your job. Reference letters will certainly help you in your job search in your new location.
• Hold a garage sale or donate unwanted items: Government moves are based on weight with limits set by rank of the service member. The higher your rank, the more weight you will be allowed to move. Do not get stuck in a catch-22 of having to pay for excess weight if you can avoid it, as it can be extremely costly and an unwanted surprise. We once received a bill for more than $5,000 for excess weight due to a paperwork snafu. Imagine our shock! If you can generate additional funds through a garage sale or bless someone with your donated goods, all the better.
• Arrange overnight stays for moving days: If you have friends or family along the route of your move, ask them in advance if you can stay a night or two. This will reduce your moving costs and provide you with a much-needed opportunity to keep in touch with your loved ones. Making hotel reservations in advance may provide you with early-bird discounts and will certainly reduce the after-midnight desperation to find a hotel when everything is booked full. If you are traveling with pets, make sure you ask about their pet policy in advance and add any deposits required to your moving budget.
• Consider hiring a maid service for your move-out clean: This will save you time and stress, and best guarantee a return of your rental deposit. I wrote a two-part series titled “Confessions of a Maid Service Owner” which gives you ways to hire a maid service and save money. Be sure to check it out!

Following these tips will help you transition into your moving day with less stress and a lot more confidence. Do you have any additional tips, stories or advice you’d like to share? We’d love to hear them in the comments section below!

Next up in the series:

Part 2:  Moving Day Tips – Ways to save time, energy and your sanity on your moving day

Part 3:  Children and Relocation – Making a PCS Move Easier for Children

Part 4:  Your Final Delivery and Tips to Know After Your Move – Questions like “What are the movers required to do?” and “How do you file a claim?” are answered in this section

About the Author:
Torrey Shannon is a Blue Star Mom and wife of a severely injured veteran.  After her husband’s injury in 2004 due to a gunshot wound to the head, the Shannon family spent three years at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington DC.  After dealing with the invisible wounds of war on a daily basis for the last 8 years, Torrey continues to share her experiences and help others who are going through the same hardships.  She is a freelance writer for a variety of publications and has been seen in multiple media outlets featuring her advocacy work. You can learn more about Torrey by visiting her blog at TorreyShannon.com.  You can also follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, LinkedIn and Pinterest.

Hurricane Ike, 2008

No matter where you live, you live with the possibility of some type of natural disaster – a blizzard, an earthquake, a flood, a hurricane, a tornado, or a wildfire – or man-made disaster – a blackout, a nuclear or chemical plant incident, a pandemic, or a terrorist attack. These events and their aftermath can be very dangerous, especially if your family is unprepared.

It is very important that no matter where you live, you understand the kinds of disasters which could occur there and have a plan in place (for shelter, evacuation, and communication), the tools and supplies to take care of yourselves, and the skills and knowledge to take care of yourselves and help others. Military families, in particular, are resilient, resourceful, and capable. The military community values service and teamwork, and all of us should be prepared to exemplify those values by taking care of ourselves and helping others if a disaster strikes our communities.

Prepare, Plan, and Pack

The first step toward readiness is information. Be familiar with the natural and man-made hazards in your area; is there a nuclear plant nearby, is the area prone to flooding or tornadoes, are earthquakes likely, or do you live on the coast where hurricanes might strike? Ensure that everyone in your family knows what to do during an emergency – which warnings to watch and listen for, how to take shelter or evacuate, and how to tell when conditions are safe again.

Next, plan for the aftermath of a possible disaster. You can find great resources for creating a family emergency plan at Ready.gov and Military OneSource.

• Decide how your family will communicate and where you will meet if a disaster strikes when you are not all at home together – during the work/school day, for example – and practice regularly.
• Discuss situations in which you might have to evacuate. Decide in advance how and when you will decide whether to stay or evacuate (go/no go criteria, in military terms). Set up a procedure for your family’s orderly evacuation.
• If you need to shelter in place – such as during a nuclear or chemical emergency or after a tornado – have a plan for doing so safely and comfortably. Decide which areas of your house are safest and best for sheltering in an emergency.
• Don’t forget to plan for your pets! If you have pets, you should take FEMA’s “Animals in Disasters” class online to help you plan to take care of the four-legged members of your family in an emergency.

Whether you evacuate or shelter in place, you will need some tools and supplies to take care of yourselves after a disaster. Emergency services in your area may be completely overwhelmed, power or gas for cooking may not be working, stores may be closed, and clean water may not be available. Make sure that your family has a disaster kit with enough supplies for everyone to last about three days without help. You can find good tips for building your kit here at MilitaryFamily.com and on Military One Source, and you can find a detailed checklist at Ready.gov.

SAR Volunteers after Hurricane Ike, 2008

Learn and Lead

Make sure that everyone in your family (who is old enough) is certified in First Aid and CPR. These skills may come in handy at any time, not just during a natural disaster, and a little training can save a life. You can find First Aid and CPR classes through the American Red Cross, and the American Heart Association offers First Aid and CPR classes as well.

You can learn the basics of emergency planning and disaster response through FEMA’s online classes. At a minimum, you should take “Are You Ready?  A Citizen’s Guide to Disaster Peparedness” and “Protecting Your Home or Small Business from Disaster“. Consider browsing the list of other courses available; many of them are aimed at emergency response and emergency management workers, but they contain a wealth of good information for everyone, they are free, and some count for college credit.

Military families understand service and leadership; please consider stepping forward to help your community in the event of a disaster. You can volunteer with the Red Cross, the Salvation Army, your Community Emergency Response Team, or another local organization.

For Military Families

As military families, we face some unique challenges. We move frequently, one member of the family is sometimes overseas, and we are often far away from our friends and extended families. These challenges are especially important when planning for a disaster.

When you move to a new area, you may not be familiar with its hazards. A military spouse from California may have no idea what to do when a tornado siren sounds, and a soldier from Nebraska may not know how to prepare for a hurricane. As part of your PCS process, learn what natural disasters and other hazards are possible in your new community, and learn how to prepare for and respond to those events. You can find good information at Ready.gov and through local government services in your new community, and you can also check with the Family Readiness Group or your chain of command at your new post. Update your emergency plan and your disaster kit to fit the types of disaster you might encounter in your new home.

Part of your family’s pre-deployment planning should include disaster readiness. You will need to make sure that your plan is up-to-date and will still work smoothly with one member of the family away; were there tasks the service member was expected to perform in an emergency? Decide who will fill that role while he or she is deployed.

You should also discuss how to get in touch with your deployed service member – and your extended family – in the event of a disaster. Cell phones and landlines might not function properly in the aftermath of a natural disaster. The American Red Cross offers emergency communication services to help military families communicate with their deployed service members in the event of an emergency; call 877-272-7337 (or visit the nearest Red Cross aid station if you are unable to reach a working telephone).

If you cannot reach members of your extended family during or after a disaster, you can use the Red Cross “Safe and Well List”. If a disaster has affected an area where you have friends or family and you cannot reach them, you can check the Safe and Well List for their names; if you have been the victim of a disaster and cannot contact your friends or family, you can place your name on the list so that they can check your status. As part of your disaster plan, be sure that your friends, extended family, and service member are aware of this resource.

Our service members are as strong as the support they receive. Military spouses are often referred to as the ‘backbone of the military.’

Across America and around the world, military spouses serve our country in their own special way. They balance family life, military life, and their careers, all while supporting other military families and giving back to their communities. They help families and friends through the stress of a deployment, care for our wounded warriors, and support each other when a loved one has made the ultimate sacrifice.

Military spouses are a group of unrelated strangers bound together by the shared experience of adventure and their bonds are forged by the flames of adversity. Their contributions help protect our freedom by strengthening our communities, thus keeping our service members ‘mission ready.’

Honoring Military Spouses

Our country’s service members and their families seldom ask for support or recognition. They carry out their duties to family and country with quiet courage and strength. They exemplify the American spirit.

The first Military Spouse Day was first celebrated in 1984 when then-President Ronald Reagan proclaimed the observance to honor the contributions of military spouses. The military now sets aside the Friday before Mother’s Day each year to pay tribute to the spouses who play a vital role in the nation’s defense. Military Spouse Day is a time to recognize the sacrifices made by military spouses in support of their loved ones in uniform.

This year we celebrate this special day on May 11th, giving everyone a day in which to express our gratitude in both word and deed.

What This Day Means to Me

I have been a military spouse for almost two decades. Although I’ve never had the honor of serving my country as a service member, I comprehend the concept of needing a ‘battle buddy’ by my side.  Military families are bound together with a common goal – a need to support each other in order to survive.

May 11th, 2012 is not just any day for me, nor is it just a day to be recognized for my role as a military wife. On a more personal level, it is also the day my son officially graduates from boot camp and AIT (Advanced Individual Training) in Fort Benning, Georgia. Following the exact footsteps his father made in 1984, he joined the Infantry.

This day is especially important for the both of us as my husband is also a severely-injured veteran. The pride my husband and I feel in seeing our son serve his country, despite the risks and possible outcomes, is profound.

Photo credit: Operation Homefront Wounded Warrior Wives

I can assure you that none of us, not me, my husband nor my son went into this journey of adversity just to get any thanks. However, sometimes that is all we have to get through the most difficult times.

Military Spouse Appreciation Day is a time to recognize the sacrifices made by military spouses in support of their loved ones in uniform. Just a simple thanks can mean the world to many. I know it does for me.

Ways To Say “Thank You” To Military Spouses

There are many ways for each of us to show our appreciation for military spouses. Working through community-based organizations, workplaces, schools, and places of worship, we can help them support their families, establish or build careers, and address the unique challenges they face.

Military spouses shoulder a huge responsibility. Small gestures such as asking “how can I help?” can mean the world to a spouse who is overworked and clearly underpaid. As neighbors, teachers, parents, and fellow citizens, we can reach out to military husbands and wives in our communities. We can show our appreciation in countless ways, from offering to help with household maintenance and childcare to encouraging the community involvement and career development of military spouses.

Taking a load off their shoulders will actually strengthen them in the end.

Today, you can honor the spouses and families who support our service members.  In doing so, you take part in helping defend our Nation and preserve our liberty. And, you never know…you may just make someone’s day by using two simple words.

Kristle Helmuth with her family.

Military spouses are a strong group of individuals. Though being the spouse of a service member is not an easy job, most of these spouses have proven to be highly adaptive and have acclimated to and navigated through their many obstacles beautifully and virtually on their own. Still, military life is difficult and much different than that of the civilian world. Every day worries consist of things that most people could not fathom. Often this life can be daunting. As adaptive as military spouses may be on their own, it is much easier to learn the ropes and to cope when you have the support and knowledge of someone who has been in your shoes. For many military spouses, it is sometimes difficult to find a good support group, especially when they move to a new area or when their spouse is Reserve. Well, unsurprisingly, they found a solution for this.They discovered blogging.

Military spouses have taken the blogosphere by storm and are now using it as a platform to connect, share, cope, and tell the world their stories that previously often went unheard. Blogs like SpouseBuzz, a well-known blog owned by Military.com, are large and combine the voices of many military spouses in one place to write about news, personal experiences, and advice from many points of view. The most typical mil-spouse blog, however, is smaller and personally owned. These have become extremely popular with spouses in the last five years.

For many, blogging has not only helped them in coping with their own lives, but has helped others as they search for advice on similar experiences or are simply in search of someone to relate to. This sharing of information has quickly created a close-knit and fast growing community of military spouse bloggers whom many of them refer to as their family. As the community grows, so are the opportunities available to them. They are now able to network on sites like Milblogging.com, meet in person at yearly conferences such as the Milblog Conference which holds an annual award for best military spouse blog among others, and support each other through Facebook groups and local meet-ups.

Kris, a Military spouse and blogger, has been married to her husband, who is in the Army National Guard, for 10 ½ years.  After he deployed in March of 2011, she began searching the internet for resources to get her through the deployment. She wound up stumbling across many mil-spouse blogs, which prompted her to start her own in which she entitled The New “Normal”. In her words,

“…it quickly became an outlet for me during this difficult time and I found the support network I so badly needed through the other amazing bloggers that I met.”

Because Kris’s husband is in the National Guard, they are located in a civilian community far from the other families in his unit. This often leaves her feeling very isolated, a struggle that many National Guard and other Reserve families have in common. With the mil-spouse blogging community, her and other families are now able to get the support they need.

“Connecting with other spouses through our blogs helped me to feel a part of the military community in a way that I had not experienced before,” she said,”My blog gave me an outlet for my feelings, and through the connections with the other spouses, I realized that how I felt was normal.”

Kris plans to attend the MilBlogging Conference, held in Washington DC this weekend, for the first time this year. She’s excited to personally meet the friends she describes as, “…closer friends than my ‘real life’ friends.”

Many military spouses use their blogs as a way to document deployments and the every day events of typical military life like Kris. But in many cases, these blogs become even more. Kristle Helmuth and Mary Lucas are perfect examples.

Kristle Helmuth began writing her blog, Forget the Dog Not the Baby, in 2008 after her husband of seven years was involved in multiple IED blasts where he incurred PTSD, TBI, and severe lung damage from inhalation of chlorine gas. Overnight, this event changed her role from military wife to military caregiver. She began blogging later in his injury as a way to cope and document her experience as a young military caregiver.

“I began writing when I was at a time in my life where we were either going to make this new life work, or we were not going to work out”, she said,”I needed somewhere to put the frustration, anger, and confusion that had seemingly taken over my life.”

She says that PTSD and TBI have essentially become their life and often writes her way through the obstacles that come with that life in her blog. Through her writing, she has received a ton of needed support that she otherwise may not have gotten. She goes on to say,

“It was the ear to listen when I had no one else, and a non-judgmental place I could just spill my guts. Now it has turned into a way for me to give back, to share the stories that are making up my life, and offer hope to others in the same way that it was offered to me.”

Kristle continues to use her blog as a way to cope and a way to help others. She remains candid and honest about her experiences in hopes that awareness will be spread of the struggles facing families in similar situations. She will be speaking on a panel at the MilBlog Conference this weekend, one of the many opportunities that her blog has presented her.

Mary Lucas’ story is tragic. On August 1, 2011, she received news that her husband, a United States Marine, was killed in Afghanistan by a grenade that hit two feet away from him. Mary has been blogging for five years, but says she only became serious about it months before her husband passed when she found out she was pregnant with their third son. At that time, the blog was primarily a “mom blog” in which she used to educate women on doing natural birth. Upon news of her husband’s death, it quickly became a place for her to document her grief while still carrying their unborn child. Her blog is now a tool in which she can process her grief and cope with the new life that has been handed to her.

“Blogging has been such an amazing tool for me to get my feelings and thoughts out”, she says, “ I am not a ‘good griever’ which means I don’t cry and/or show my feelings well in front of other people. Sharing what I feel with other people, including my loved ones, is easiest for me when I am writing.”

Like the others, Mary hopes to help other widows through her words and spread awareness about her version of military life. Her blog is called, Building Our New Normal.

After speaking to these inspirational women, it is apparent that blogs have become a strong platform for giving military spouses a voice, providing a free therapist (something we could all use from time to time), and bringing them together as a family. The benefits over time have exceeded all of their expectations as they enjoy new opportunities in friendship and in life that they would never have gotten if it weren’t for their blogs. After asking each of them if they would recommend other military spouses to blog, they all agreed with a hearty “Yes!”

Military Spouse Blogs To Check Out: 

Building Our New Normal

Forget The Dog Not The Baby

Riding the Roller Coaster

The New “Normal”

Camo Style Love

Left Face

Married to the Military

A Little Pink in a World of Camo

Wife of a Wounded Soldier

Wife (Widow) of a Wounded Marine

Chambanachik

SpouseBuzz

To find more military spouse blogs, visit Milblogging.com.

It is crucial that the military community and those ultimately responsible for policy remember that in nearly over a decade of war, Captain Clark’s death is the first incident of its kind. Consider how many service members have deployed and returned home, and how many hours of Skype connection have taken place, in that decade. In all of those hours of video conversation, only once has this kind of tragedy occurred; calculate the odds, and keep that in mind as the Skype debate picks up steam. Next, consider how many marriages have survived repeated deployments solely because of the availability of this kind of connection. Mine is one of them.

All of us understand that our spouses, when deployed, live and work in a war zone, and all of us understand what that means – they live and work in a very dangerous environment full of people who want them dead. We all know that when a Skype connection is open, we might see something unpleasant, frightening, or unthinkable. This is the reality with which we live, and all of us understood that when we chose to marry service members.

Our partners’ service places certain demands on each of us, including need to be simply be braver and more resilient than most other people. Sometimes that means we have to face frightening possibilities for the sake of our partners and our marriages. Our partners have to be brave to do their jobs; we have to be brave to do ours. That, too, is the reality with which we live. Based on statements released by Captain Clark’s family through a local TV station, his wife embodies that bravery and resilience.

Using Skype may not be appropriate for all family members, or in all situations. However, military spouses are mature, intelligent adults, fully capable of understanding the implications of live communication with a partner in a combat zone, and weighing the benefits of that connection against the possible risks. None of us are so fragile that we need the Department of Defense or anyone else to step in and protect us from some (highly unlikely) danger. Barring actual security concerns, the appropriateness of Skype should be a personal decision, and it is a decision that each of us is fully capable of making. Any implication that Skype should be banned or restricted from combat zones for the sake of military wives’ “safety” is an insult to all of us.

We do not need to be protected!

We need to have the ability to communicate with and support our service members whenever possible. We need to maintain perspective about the likelihood of a traumatic incident, even in the wake of this high-profile tragedy. Above all, we need to weigh the risks realistically and with the strength and courage expected and required of each of us.

Had the unthinkable happened and my husband not come home, I like to believe that I would have taken comfort from the connection we were able to share during those months. I also fully believe that having been denied that connection would have made losing him even more excruciating. More than anything, however, I am simply unutterably thankful that he did come home, and my thoughts and sympathies are with the Clark family as they face the aftermath of their loss.

Photo Credit: DVIDS

On May 1st, an Army wife from New York witnessed the unimaginable. During a regular Skype chat with her husband, Army Captain Bruce Kevin Clark, she was left to watch helplessly as her husband was killed.

Details of his death have not yet been released, most likely due to further investigation. However, the details do not change the horrific experience his wife was forced to endure, and the fact that the Military widow community reluctantly just received a new member.

According to  WHAM, Channel 13 of Spencerport,NY, ”At the time of the incident, the family was hoping for a rescue and miracle, but later learned that it was not to be…”

The question now is, should Skype be allowed to be used in war zones? Again, the circumstances have not been released about this specific incident and it could be non-hostile. Still, similar incidents could easily arise that are, and in any of these cases should the families be subjected to witnessing them? I’ll be honest, when I realized Skype was allowed to be used overseas, I was a little taken aback. Live streaming from a war zone straight to our homes – is that safe?

I will agree, as a Military wife, that it would have been nice to see my husband’s face while he was at war six years ago. Technology has been amazing for keeping better contact with our loved ones who are deployed – gone are the days of Vietnam. However,  now as a widow, the thought of witnessing my husband’s death leaves me speechless and forces me to question where the line should be drawn for social media at war. Are risks like this something families are willing to take? Should they even be an option? Is using Skype in a war zone safe at all?

Further in the statement by WHAM of Spencerport, NY, they did claim this, “Although the circumstances were unimaginable, Bruce’s wife and extended family will be forever thankful that he and his wife were together in his last moments.”

So, perhaps it brought his wife some peace that she was able to be with him in his last moments, and she should be commended for choosing to see this in a positive light. Still, the reality is that she was exposed to something horrific, hostile or not. The Military should consider looking at this incident and potentially reconsider the role that social media, all social media, plays in war.  What is appropriate and what is not when we are considering a war situation?

Captain Clark was a Michigan native and Army Medic deployed to Tarin Kowt, Afghanistan in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. He served for six years in which he received numerous medals for his service. He was 43 years old when he passed. According to a family statement that was reported by YNN TV of Rochester, NY,

“Bruce (or Kevin as many knew him) was known for his calm, steady, and caring personality, and his love of service. When you were in Bruce’s presence it was apparent he served a higher purpose.”

He had a wife and two daughters ages 3 and 9.

Keep this family in your thoughts as they plan to put yet another Hero and loved one to rest. I speak for the Military widow community, and I’m sure the Military community as a whole, when I say you are not alone, we love you, and we are here for you.

Military children can be a big help to their parents and family! List ways you can pitch-in when your family needs help.

If you have developed PTSD, wanting to understand more about it and to manage your symptoms is a sign of strength and of your desire to live a healthy and fulfilling life.